


drowning

by fullsan



Series: once again [1]
Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Making Out, Ravenclaw!Minhee, Slytherin!Jungmo, love potion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsan/pseuds/fullsan
Summary: He knew Minhee would never like him back, and he knew we could never love Minhee right. Because their love was never supposed to happen since the start.
Relationships: Kang Minhee/Koo Jungmo
Series: once again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925281
Comments: 7
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is related to my twt au, love potion, which you can read [here](https://twitter.com/hyuwungjun/status/1204344955516444672). more specifically, this is an extension of a scene in update #171. however, i think you can read it without prior explanation since jungmo's thoughts are pretty self-explanatory. i hope you like it! kudos and comments are very much appreciated!

“I like Minhee,” Jungmo said, and Yunseong pressed him against the wall, pinning him with their faces inches away.

“Don’t mess up with me, Koo Jungmo.”

“Full name? I guess you are really angry.”

“Why the fuck would you like him?” Yunseong looked directly at Jungmo's eyes, and he hoped to see something, something else that would tell him that it was a lie. He failed.

“I do. Why do you care anyways?”

Yunseong frowned, pushing his body against Jungmo’s. Jungmo's smile was so dumb, making him angry, looking at him and keeping the intense gaze between them.

“Because you are lying. You hate him. For your fault, I lost him.”

Jungmo knew it. He knew it was his fault, after all. 

“You have Keummie now, though? I will make Minhee mine.”

It all started as a lie. A lie to get Yunseong back. He never expected to like Minhee for real, but there he was now, above Minhee in the sofa of Ravenclaw’s common room while he moaned his name every time Jungmo bit him or pushed their bodies closer.

It was like getting drunk.

But what else he could do? Minhee literally asked for it. And he couldn’t say no. No when Minhee looked so cute in his pajamas hanging on of his shoulder, the hickey he just made so visible, next to another mark of the previous bites.

“... Can you kiss me like… Like you really mean it? Like… with feelings”

Jungmo smiled sadly, caressing Minhee’s cheek again with his words reverberating in his head, when their gazes connected. Oh, of course he could do that. He would die to do that. He never wanted to kiss someone like that since he and Yunseong ended or tried to end whatever they had.

He kissed a lot of people. Chanhee, Sihun, Dongju, Hyunjin, Chaeyeon, Keumdong, Ryujin, Jihoon, Sanha, Daehwi, Yeji, Jisu, Heejin, Soobin, Hyunsuk, Subin, Yeonjun… Juyeon. Minho. He could go on with the list, he will probably find trouble naming all of them. He didn’t had a reputation for nothing. Even so, he only took to bed a few of them, never wanting to get too intimate with them, never wanting to leave marks or to catch feelings. Trying to show the world he didn’t need them, he could do whatever he wanted to. Because he wanted to. 

Just as if he didn’t do it just to piss Yunseong off.

Jungmo always found himself in Yunseong’s arms again, saying sweet words to him, saying that he should stop doing that to everyone because with himself that was enough, how he had rules he always broke and how Yunseong always put them again between them. It was like a bad habit. 

And Minhee turned his world upside down. 

He knew that kid would be the death of him since the moment he kissed him, since he felt something warm at his heart. He tried to ignore it, because he was supposed to use Minhee, to use it until Yunseong admitted that he liked him, that they belonged together instead of “fighting” over a boy.

He knew Minhee would never like him back, and he knew we could never love Minhee right.

Minhee’s eyes were full of greed. The way he bit his lip and looked back to Jungmo’s eyes were enough to send him to death. He knew Minhee had no aim on doing that, he knew that it was a terrible idea and more after Minhee cried because he felt guilty. And Jungmo wanted to show Minhee that he was worth an opportunity, that maybe he could be the first option for someone, that he truly liked Minhee. We wanted Minhee to forgive him, to kiss him until Minhee forgot all the hurtful things he said to him, he wanted Minhee to scream that he wanted him closer and that he loved him instead of hate him.

He couldn’t hold it anymore. The distance between them was suffocating, even if it was just mere inches away. Jungmo could feel how Minhee was still scared, but he gathered the courage to held into him, to ask him to kiss him. He even called him hyung, knowing what that did on him. So he pulled their lips together, kissing him slowly and with care, just as he wanted to be kissed. Because Minhee deserved all of that. He kissed him deep, with just their lips. He cood and smiled feeling how Minhee was kissing him too, his hands holding him close. The kiss was so much like Minhee, and Jungmo found himself the idea of drowning more and more into Minhee appealing. 

Somehow, their hands ended interlocked while they looked at each other, catching their breaths again. It was so unfamiliar and warm at the same time, Jungmo suddenly felt ashamed and scared. Because Minhee’s gaze was trying to tell him something. Something deeper than their kisses, something deeper than their feelings.

Jungmo wanted to believe that Minhee was his, only his, that night.

What he didn’t expect was Minhee getting bold, connecting their lips again in a more passionate way, like they were used to kiss before. He was completely lost, at Minhee’s mercy. He let the younger do whatever he wanted, allowing him to straddle him and take the lead for a while. Jungmo let his hands rest on Minhee’s hips, maybe gripping to hard into them. It would be nice to see the marks of his hands on Minhee’s skin, just like his neck.

“Hyung—” 

Minhee whimpered in a soft voice, just below Jungmo’s ear, letting his nails dip in his back while Jungmo kissed his neck and sucked there; forgetting about the martess, forgetting about where they were, forgetting about what Jungmo did to him. He liked it so much he didn’t know what he should feel anymore. That was supposed to feel wrong, so wrong at many levels, because Minhee was making out with the school’s heartbreaker, with the guy he was supposed to hate the most all these years, the guy who made him cry. It was still the same. Minhee looked at Jungmo with watery eyes and heavy breathing, his lips hurting and probably bleeding too because he bit them too hard, being sure he will have Jungmo’s teeth mark on his collarbone for at least a week.

“God Minhee, you are so pretty.” He laughed, letting a tear fall off his face and Jungmo’s kisses all over his freckles. 

Jungmo was on top of Minhee, pinning him against the sofa again with the quilt above us. It was stupid to be hiding, but Minhee felt secure down the quilt. He felt like Jungmo was his, just his, even if it was just one night. He let his hands slip until he was holding his shirt, pulling it towards him. Jungmo rested all his weight on Minhee, kissing him again, most of it tongue. Jungmo loved hearing the muffled sounds Minhee made when his hands rushed over his body, when he felt the warm skin of the younger, holding into the clothes just as Minhee was doing. They got separated again, breathing like they missed hours of breathing. Jungmo ruffled his hand over his own hair, sighing heavily.

“Look what you make me do...”

“But I wanted you to,” Minhee said, while his hands rested comfortably on Jungmo’s neck, fingers hovering over the tiny mark he left next to his collarbone. He pouted pressing his finger on it, earning nothing but a smile and a peak from Jungmo.

“I wanted to do you a big one too, but you won’t let me.”

“Sorry, angel. I get too impatient. The idea of losing time I could use kissing you sounds terrible.”

Minhee wanted to blush, he wanted to hide forever and not face Jungmo again. Because saying it outloud made things look real, but Jungmo was all over his torso again, biting and sucking in small places, unbuttoning completely Minhee’s shirt. Something in Jungmo's head wanted to kiss Minhee until he pleaded him to stop, he wanted to take care of Minhee, to make him feel good, to make him moan his name louder just in the same way he did before when Jungmo made all those hickeys. He didn’t want to miss it. He didn't want to let Minhee go at all. 

Minhee made him want to treat him properly, he wanted to take him out on dates and get to know him better. Because Minhee wasn’t like the other boys he made out with. And, even more important, Minhee wasn't Yunseong. He got up, still stranding Minhee in the sofa, breathing heavily and sweating. It was so hot down there he couldn’t bare it. He covered his eyes with his arm and pleaded, in a small voice, “Please, buttom up the t-shirt again. I’m sorry.”

Minhee nodded, even if Jungmo couldn’t see. Minhee got up too as he was allowed to, eyeing the room again, no longer cold. Jungmo looked beautiful. If you asked Minhee, it wasn’t like he hated Jungmo all his life. He was gorgeous, yeah, stupidly handsome. He didn’t earn the title of heartbreaker for nothing. Even so, Minhee didn’t feel one more. He really wanted to believe Jungmo that time. He wanted to believe that those kisses were something more, a silent agreement between them, just like their relationship or whatever you wanted to call that. He pushed Jungmo back, making him rest his back on quite a violent way against the sofa, now being him the one who crawled until he was on top of him. He was illuminated by the fire light, making his eyes sparkle with some tints of red. Minhee wanted to get lost there. He didn’t care about the time, or about the consequences. Because now, it was just he and Jungmo. Jungmo and himself. He liked it.

“Hyung, I hate that you are so pretty.”

“Thanks, I love that compliment if it comes from you.” Both laughed, and Jungmo placed his hands again on Minhee’s hips, who got seated on top of him again.

“Aren’t you tired, sweetheart?”

“Are you?”

“I would never be tired of kissing you.” Jungmo smiled, biting his tongue and hoping that didn't come out as sad as he felt as saying it. Minhee smiled back at him.

“Me neither.” Minhee bent down, kissing Jungmo again and giving him his everything. Jungmo hugged him, wishing he could keep Minhee between his arms forever.

So he pretended not to see how Yunseong was watching them, he pretended not to know that Minhee’s heart belonged to someone else, he pretended not to like him. He was just Minhee’s dream boy, he was just someone who bullied Minhee and now, ironically, was under his complete control. Jungmo kissed Minhee harder, whispering that he liked him. Jungmo swore he heard Minhee muttering he liked him too when he was kissing his neck.

Jungmo was drowning himself.

Because their love was never supposed to happen since the start. And Jungmo didn’t know if he could let it go. If he could let Minhee go.

His plan went completely wrong.


	2. jungmo wondered if they stand a chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungmo wanted to call him again, to bend closer and kiss his lips one last time, to ask Minhee if he was willing to try it again, if he wanted to give them a chance, hug him closer until he laughed and maybe they could sleep together for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually the intro for the hwangmogu but i think it suits better as the closing part for the minimo. i didn't read it again and it's been half a year since i wrote it and three months since [eli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuwunsuk/profile) beta-read it... so i'm sorry if something's wrong! let me know if you enjoy it and hopefully i will start uploading the whole hwangmogu soon :]
> 
> (thank you eli for putting up with me all these months)

“God, you truly look like an angel...”

Jungmo could feel Minhee’s hands tugging to his hair, his fingers probably losing in the touch as soon as they connected their lips again. It was slow, different from the previous kiss they shared. Jungmo knew it could be the last, it _had_ to be the last. Their lips met in the middle every time, already knowing how the other liked to be kissed. Minhee would never tell how he pushed the Slytherin boy harder, closer, their legs tangled and their bodies pressed against each other. Jungmo’s hand in his cheek didn’t feel cold anymore, pressing his thumb in his freckles.

Jungmo loved to get lost in Minhee, he let his mind run free and let his lips part away from his lips to his neck, to suck in again the previous mark, to make it purple, purple and red, to leave traces of the moment there were sharing, to leave proof of what really happened between them. He decided that Minhee’s moans and tries-of-not-to were his new favorite sounds. It was so vulnerable, it felt so right. Jungmo wanted to let him know that it was okay, that he wanted to make him feel good, that he wanted to know that he made him feel good. The feeling of Minhee’s fingers lingering down to his back and aching were a reminder that he was kissing Minhee for real, that it wasn’t a dream. Jungmo just smiled and sucked harder, loving when Minhee whined and tried to say his name or _hyung_.

It was stupid, how much of a word could make Jungmo feel. It was just a word he grew up without, and he suddenly wanted to hear it everyday. Not from anyone, just from Minhee. Minhee made him feel butterflies and made his heart ache, Minhee made him wonder why he felt so much when Minhee was so little. It sounded pretty when it slipped from Minhee’s lips, and it sounded more pretty when it was cut in between with his little sounds and matching with his front hitting his shoulder. Jungmo never felt something was so right and so wrong at the same time. Jungmo wondered if he would choose to spend all his life making up walls again, if it was worth it, just to see how a Ravenclaw boy came and break them down.

Jungmo wondered if things could have gone differently between them. Maybe he could take Minhee out on a cute date and say how pretty the snow made him, how pretty the contrast with his freckles and his hair were and how his eyes sparkled when Jungmo smiled at him. Maybe Jungmo could hold Minhee’s hand with care instead of interlocking their hands so tight their fingers where turning white, maybe Minhee’s fingers could play with his hair slowly while they lay in the bed at night instead of pulling it hard because Jungmo was sucking too deep in his neck, maybe Minhee could smile watching how Jungmo drifts to sleep tucked in his chest instead of having him on top and kissing his lips roughly.

Jungmo wondered if they stand a chance.

It was the first time Minhee was being kissed like this, feeling all trapped in the older’s bed. He breathed deeply as soon as Jungmo got separated from him, a wide smirk forming in his lips. Jungmo admired Minhee, admired his _angel_. He had to make sure he remembered everything about him, the wanted to remember the number of freckles he had spread in his cheeks; he wanted to remember the way Minhee was breathless, looking at him with those narrowed eyes that seemed to held a dark shadow with traces of tears instead of the usual blinking; he wanted to remember how red and bruised Minhee’s lips looked like after he kissed him hard, after he bit him; he wanted to remember how he left all his neck full of his bites. He appreciated how he made them, moving his finger and tracing a small heart in the biggest one. He didn’t feel brave enough to call them love bites. And then, Minhee giggled, putting his arms around his head again and forcing them to kiss. Jungmo swore he heard Minhee calling for him again.

Their kiss was slow, hesitant and breathless, as if they both felt that there was something that couldn’t be delayed anymore. Jungmo felt Minhee’s hand caressing his cheek, he let himself feel for a second the love Minhee was trying to convey. It was a feeling that, for the first time, neither of them was trying to hide. It almost felt like Jungmo decided to open completely to Minhee, as if Jungmo decided that Minhee was worth it to show how he really was. Jungmo liked to be kissed too, Jungmo liked to be taken care of, Jungmo liked to see how eager Minhee was to connect their lips again every time he tried to stop kissing him.

He felt it again, how he was drowning. He was drowning so deep, again.

Jungmo remembered then how it was usually him in Minhee’s position. Jungmo remembered how Yunseong’s lips felt on him in the same way Minhee was kissing him, Jungmo tried to push away the thought of how once Yunseong kissed him like he meant it, how he kissed him meaning that he loved him, how he played with his hair and how he whispered goodnight to him. Jungmo remembered why he was doing all of that.

Minhee was just someone he was using. Because he couldn’t get lost in the feeling he had now, because his heart wasn’t aching for Minhee. His heart had been aching for a long time, because Yunseong always owned him. Yunseong owned him entirely, and Jungmo was taking something that wasn’t his. Minhee could never be his. He planned everything entirely, he planned how he was supposed to take Minhee away from Yunseong, he planned to make Yunseong feel exactly how he made him feel all these years. He tried so hard to make Minhee change his image of Yunseong, he tried so hard to get Yunseong’s worst part be seen. The Yunseong he only knew, the Yunseong that wasn’t perfect, the Yunseong that controlled him and had him eating at the palm of his hand.

It felt like ages, an eternity, until both of them got separated from each other. It tasted bitter. Jungmo hated the feeling Minhee left in his mouth. Kissing Minhee was easy, sweet, it left him eager. Jungmo observed how Minhee was in his bed, arms up and eyes closed, completely tired and breathing like he was at the verge of dying. His cheeks were deeply red, the same color as his lips and his neck.

Jungmo wanted to call him again, to bend closer and kiss his lips one last time, to ask Minhee if he was willing to try it again, if he wanted to give them a chance, hug him closer until he laughed and maybe they could sleep together for a while. Jungmo didn’t like the feeling he had of his last kiss, that was maybe the worst part of it. Things finish better when you don’t know that they are going to finish, and Jungmo knew that they were doing that for a reason. Minhee liked someone else, and he **—** he liked someone else. He was deeply in love with Yunseong.

Yunseong. Always Yunseong.

After all, it was always him.

He couldn’t forget the feelings he had once for Yunseong, he couldn’t love anybody else that wasn’t Yunseong. Jungmo still remembers the first time they kissed each other, the first time they broke up, the first time Yunseong was jealous, the first time they argued, the first time he realized he was in love with his best friend. Jungmo remembered a lot of his first times, but he never wanted to engrave something like this before.

There he was, the object of his feelings for the last year, hidden in his closet and smiling brightly at him. Jungmo tried to smile, both hands grabbing the doors. He knew what would happen after he closed those doors: Minhee would listen to his pathetic confession to Yunseong, Minhee would see how manipulative is Yunseong, how Yunseong manipulated them both, and how Jungmo also used him. Jungmo was scared, because he knew that even if he didn’t get the thing he wanted the most, he was going to lose Minhee. Minhee was already slipping through his hands, like sand; and Jungmo couldn’t do anything about it. He was the one that let that happen. He was the one that was letting Minhee go.

"Why the long face, dummy?", Minhee asked in a breath, looking at Jungmo. He hoped he didn’t try to reach out to him, to touch it. Jungmo didn’t want to risk it.

"Now that I did it, I feel scared. I really want to fix this."

Minhee's face softened, his brows going up with concern. Jungmo knew Minhee wouldn’t judge him, not after everything. He wasn’t scared of saying his feelings to Minhee, because Minhee never was afraid of telling him about his. Minhee taught him so many things it almost made him waver again.

"We promised that we will." Jungmo liked the confident tone in Minhee’s voice, smiling and avoiding his gaze. He had to do it. Not for Minhee, not for Yunseong, but for himself. The words that slipped from his tongue before he could think about them reminded him of the real reason why everything started.

"I really need Yunseong back, Minhee."

He closed the wardrobe doors, letting his front fall and closing his eyes. He shut his eyes, hard, as if he wanted to have them closed forever. He couldn’t forgive himself, not after seeing the hurt face Minhee made and how he tried to hide it with a smile. He hurt him so much with his selfish game, and now it was in his hands fixing everything. After this, Minhee could go back with Wonjin, Yunseong could forgive him and maybe, maybe, he could forgive himself.

Maybe he could fix it.

Because Yunseong couldn’t fix it at all.


End file.
